A TOUGH DAY

I had no idea how tough the next few days would be, but I would soon learn! You don't know how tough something like this can be on your emotions until you go through it.

I took time off Wednesday morning to appear at the court date for these children, knowing ahead of time that my appearance may not be needed. However, it didn't matter, these children needed someone to be present that was stable, and who knew and cared for them.

I was the first one there, and shortly afterward, the mother showed up. She was released Monday pending her next court date, and I had no idea how it would turn out there. Shortly after, the case worker brought in the kids. The oldest one kept to himself, because he knew the reality of the situation, and the younger ones cried and stuck close to mom. She of course acted as though nothing had even happened. She cried and tried to make the best of it, but I'm sure knowing I was there didn't help things. I could see through it all, and I know from her point of view, I was very much a threat to her world.

Sad to say, the system doesn't make any sense to me. The case worker spoke to mom a few days prior to this and mom told her she knew someone else who might be able to take in all the kids and keep them in one home. What I don't get is how a mother who can't take care of her own children gets the right to choose someone else to take care of them. Not family, just someone she knows who lives in her neighborhood.

I know that I'm not in control of what happens, I am dependent on God to make any moves He chooses to make, but it didn't make me any less angry at the system. Here I am, the only one sitting here with these kids inside Juvenile hall, and reality is, I mean nothing to the system. I'm just a person who cares, but that doesn't matter to anyone, except the kids, me and God.

I stayed the whole morning waiting for these kids to get through this part of the day. The mom had time with her lawyer, the kids had time with theirs and I waited patiently so these kids had someone sitting in the room with them at all times. I wanted so desperately to be any where but here, because that place is not friendly at all. Even the receptionist was mean to everyone.

At one point the case worker told me they were trying to place these kids with the person closest to their home because that is what the lawyer thought was best. I was told ahead of time that the case worker wasn't on my side or the kids and I got to see that first hand. I know the neighborhood they live in, God placed me there to live for a period of time, and most everyone living in that neighborhood is in the same boat, none of it good.

As we sat in court for all of maybe 3 minutes, the lawyers talked and the judge said it was best to place them closer to home so as not to disrupt their school functions. No one even asked me if I would make sure they would get back and forth to school. I live almost 25 miles from them, and whether they know it or not, if I needed to be up at 3 in the morning to make sure they got to school and kept up with their routine, I would do it. I care that much for these kids. Now its a waiting game to see what happens from here.

I stayed until the case worker walked these kids out the door before I went to work. When I got back a co-worker came up to me and asked me how it went and tears started to fall. I kept myself in check but it was so hard. These kids and their family don't understand how much it takes to do this, and I felt for them. I think everyone was worn out from all of this, and no one wanted me to talk about it any more. The sad fact though, is if you miss even a minute in something like this and your not doing everything you can to help, the system just pulls you in and pretty soon your just a name at some home where occasionally someone checks up to make sure the foster parents are still doing their job. I don't want these kids to end up that way.

Who knows if the mom will even do any time, even though the case warrents it. It could be that she is released, does some rehab, and the kids go right back into the routine they knew all along.

I did my best to put it aside after Wednesday. I tried to talk to the older sister who lives elsewhere, and she didn't respond, so I just figure at this point, its in God's hands and He will do what He know's is best for them. All I can do is pray that they end up in the hands of someone who cares!!

The one thing that allows me to just sit and wait is knowing God is in control. He will watch out for them wherever they go.