Tuesday, May 26, 2009

too busy for God

Do you ever feel like you are too busy for God... I seem to feel like that alot lately. I put a name to this post weeks ago, and to make my point, I'm even too busy to write about it. I feel like life consumes so much of my time, that I have to really be paying close attention to hear God talking to me. He makes His wispers loud enough to get my attention, but often times I'm too busy to do what He needs me to do because, I'm busy running here and there.

I try so hard to do things for other people, always thinking about others and what I can do to help, or just bring them something that might make them smile as they go about their day... I know God wants us to take care of others and do things for them, because what they see in our actions as Christians might just be the tool they need to give their life over to God..... The thing is, I feel like I spend so much time doing my own stuff, or doing stuff for others, that I completely forget to wake up in the morning and tell God thank you for the life He gives me each and every day. He provides me the tools needed to take care of His children and yet I put them before Him....

There are days that I have so much going on that I barely wake up because I am so tired, and I fall asleep more tired than when I wake up, and where in the middle of all this chaos do I find time to just say "Sorry for my daily mess ups, and sorry for not putting you first."

I do mean well, and I do try and do these things with God in mind, but still, all I see is my selfish "self" and I'm sure He feels the same way.... And yet, I still find Him wispering in my ear, directing me to do something else, that will help someone else along the way. In the midst of all my choas, He is still an Awesome God, and although I know I deserve none of the Love that He provides me daily, He is still watching out for me and showing me how much He loves me, EVEN WHEN I AM SO SELFISH THAT I CANNOT FIND THE TIME TO RETURN THAT LOVE BACK TO THE ONE WHO IS " I AM; ALMIGHTY GOD" Thank goodness He does not give up on the sinners. :0)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I have been struggling alot in the last year or so with my son who is 15. Actually, I've struggled with him his entire 15 years, but the last year or so seems to be a lot harder to handle.

I've been chatting with a friend today and she reminded me that we do the best we can do with raising our children...And I know she's right, but sometimes it just seems alot harder than that.

He's your typical teenager at this point, but his rebelliousness is really wearing me down. He doesn't listen to anything, refuses to do "everything" and his walk with the Lord, well....all i can say is he's just not walking, not forward, and not backward, just dead still!!!!

I don't want to quit trying, but the more I try, the more I get mad at him for not being able to reach him. I find myself yelling at him alot, and more than a few times lately have told him that if he doesnt want to follow the rules and live the way he is supposed to in my home, then he can find another place to live.

I cried for several hours last night because I was so angry at him, and eventually he did give in and do what I asked, but what it takes to get there is not worth the journey. Most of the time I feel like a failure as a mom, and I look back at the way I've had to do things, and all I see are the things I've done wrong, not what I've done right.

I know he has learned to manipulate me over the years, and I just give up and give in, short of having my home destroyed with his anger. His dad has never got involved in discipline, so in short, I raised him on my own, except for the once a month weekend visits that are nothing but play time for both of them.

Ocassionally his dad does try and get involved,but mainly to blame me for whatever he feels I didn't do, that may have caused my son to act out this way, or not follow through on things. As if I caused this kid to punch a door or not turn in his homework, therefor getting an F in his class.

I try really hard to just keep peace in my home, which means, I do it all, or do nothing at all, and I never seem to get it right.... I know why they say "being a mom is the hardest job you'll ever have"......