I have been struggling alot in the last year or so with my son who is 15. Actually, I've struggled with him his entire 15 years, but the last year or so seems to be a lot harder to handle.
I've been chatting with a friend today and she reminded me that we do the best we can do with raising our children...And I know she's right, but sometimes it just seems alot harder than that.
He's your typical teenager at this point, but his rebelliousness is really wearing me down. He doesn't listen to anything, refuses to do "everything" and his walk with the Lord, well....all i can say is he's just not walking, not forward, and not backward, just dead still!!!!
I don't want to quit trying, but the more I try, the more I get mad at him for not being able to reach him. I find myself yelling at him alot, and more than a few times lately have told him that if he doesnt want to follow the rules and live the way he is supposed to in my home, then he can find another place to live.
I cried for several hours last night because I was so angry at him, and eventually he did give in and do what I asked, but what it takes to get there is not worth the journey. Most of the time I feel like a failure as a mom, and I look back at the way I've had to do things, and all I see are the things I've done wrong, not what I've done right.
I know he has learned to manipulate me over the years, and I just give up and give in, short of having my home destroyed with his anger. His dad has never got involved in discipline, so in short, I raised him on my own, except for the once a month weekend visits that are nothing but play time for both of them.
Ocassionally his dad does try and get involved,but mainly to blame me for whatever he feels I didn't do, that may have caused my son to act out this way, or not follow through on things. As if I caused this kid to punch a door or not turn in his homework, therefor getting an F in his class.
I try really hard to just keep peace in my home, which means, I do it all, or do nothing at all, and I never seem to get it right.... I know why they say "being a mom is the hardest job you'll ever have"......
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I'm so sorry for you, Katrena. And I feel your pain. Parenting is hard enough with two people doing it together. One person going it alone, especially in today's culture, is a harrowing act indeed. I'm praying for you, my sweet friend and sister. God is faithful, and at some point these difficult years will give way to blessed years of peace.
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